WHAT BEING LATINA MEANS TO ME

“Flores? What does that mean?”
”It means flowers,” I would say with a soft and proud smile.

It’s in my name, it’s in my blood, it’s in my olive toned skin even when I hide out from the sun. I’m mixed, but when I had to check a box, I always selected Hispanic/Latino. Only 50 percent of me is of Mexican descent, but it’s always been a huge part of my identity. I don’t think I ever questioned feeling Mexican enough until I got a little older and fought with the fact that I wasn’t fluent in Spanish. I started to feel like I didn’t deserve to claim this part of me. It started to feel like I wasn’t going to be fully accepted by either side of who I am and, at times, like I wasn’t worthy of representing the Latin community because I wasn’t Mexican enough. Maybe I am too white? Too ambiguous?

I even wrestled with giving up the name I so proudly held when I removed Flores for my married name. It almost felt like I was giving up the last piece of this identity I held so closely to my heart. I don’t think it was until more recently I realized what being Latina truly means to me… That it’s more than a name. That no matter how other people may make me feel, they can’t take away the fact that it’s a part of who I am. And for every person who is mixed like me, embracing this part of who you are looks different for us all.

For me, it’s in the music. It’s in having so many primos I can’t keep up with. It’s the family gatherings in a dance hall celebrating a birthday and a graduation because we love any excuse for a gathering with food and live music. It’s my grandma dragging me onto the dance floor at one of these gatherings as we dance around in a circle. It’s the rich food, and the salsa my dad taught me to make (and perfect since it’s now a favorite among my friends). It’s in the homemade Fideo con Pollo my grandma would make and the tortillas she showed me how to make fresh. It was the fear of “the chancla.” It’s playing Mexican bingo, a.k.a. Loteria. It’s in the *slightly* vulgar slang I use. I don’t need to pack my undies for a trip but my chonies, and you may need a tissue for your mocos. It’s that no matter what you’ve gone through, family shows up for the big moments. It’s this sense of pride in seeing other Latinas succeed and make their mark on this world. It’s this desire to learn more about my history and the sacrifices made along the way so I can be where I am today.

To me, being Latina means all of the above and then some. It means that even if I’m still working through broken Spanish and learning more each day, my life doesn’t have to look identical to someone else like me. It’s an individual journey, and I’m so glad that mine is filled with such a rich culture of music, food and family values, and I hope to pass some of that on to my own familia one day.