4 THINGS I'VE LEARNED THROUGH MARRIAGE
“We’ll come back here in 5 years…”
It seems like a lifetime ago and at the same time just a blink since my husband Cooper and I looked out from our honeymoon suite balcony to take in the warm blue water of Zihuatanejo and promised we’d be back to celebrate five years together. Now we are just a year away (almost trip scheduling time) as we wrap up four years of marriage and begin number five. I don’t think I’ve ever felt more grown up than I do right now. Not because you need to be married to be “grown up,” but it just feels like such a grown-up thing to no longer be newlyweds and entering half a decade of marriage and even longer together. Although we still learn so much every year, here are some of the things I’ve learned through our marriage so far…
Keep the Fun
When you’re dating, especially if you’re not living together, a lot of your time spent together is usually planned around activities. Once you’re married and living together, I’ve found it’s so much easier to not spend intentional time together because you’re just “doing life” with each other every day. It’s easier to let time go by without actually spending quality time together. In the little ways and the big ways, I love to keep things fun! From boba tea dates and trying a new coffee shop, to hikes, walks around the neighborhood, playing video games together, cooking a new meal together, going to museums, and traveling, keeping the fun is such an important part of our relationship!
It’s Not All About You
In a good way, it’s not all about you. You have to consider someone else in the decisions you make and even the things you do. Sometimes I’ll go to a soccer game with Cooper because it’s something he loves, or he’ll spend a day at Disneyland with me because that’s something I love. Not that those are miserable things to be a part of, just things we wouldn’t normally do on our own. A little give and a little take in so many ways. If Cooper feels hot in the house, I crank up the AC and throw on an extra layer if I get too chilly. I can’t reach the top shelf to get to plants, so Cooper brings it down for me to water. I feel like marriage has made me a less selfish person. When you begin to pay more attention to the needs of those closest to you, I think that can pour out from your home and into other areas of your life.
Be Quick to Forgive
Being quicker to resolve issues and to forgive saves a lot of time. Especially if it’s something small that doesn’t need to be dragged out. Lord knows we all have bad days, so being able to extend patience in those moments to your person, if maybe their attitude isn’t 100 percent, has been helpful. It could be you having the bad day next. I don’t mean that you let your partner run over you or vice versa in the name of a bad day, but don’t make a big fight over a small thing. Just be honest, and let your partner know if they hurt your feelings. In my experience, most of the time the other person doesn’t even realize the impact of their words/tone and are quick to offer an apology when it’s brought to their attention in a gentle way. Resolve and forgive quickly.
In This Together
There’s nothing better than having a built in person you can confide in, feel safe with and walk through ups and downs with. When someone in the fam says something passive aggressive at Thanksgiving, it’s nice to have that person around just to say, “Yeah, that was weird.” When you are having a bad week, month or maybe year, you have someone to walk alongside you through it. The good moments and the bad, it’s pretty cool to wake up and choose the person next to you to walk through all of it with you.
Photo by: Ether and Smith