29
The other day, I was checking out at the hardware store when a teen, probably no older than 19, asked me “ Are you in college?” “No?” “High-school?” I laughed at this point. “No, try going the other way,” I said. “I’m old, dude and close to my 30s.” To which he was surprised by (as he thought I was much younger than I was).
In my early 20s, I used to hate when people thought I was younger than I was. No joke, airport security once said I could keep my shoes on since I was a kid. They literally thought I was a child, and I was probably 21 at the time. My height and lack of makeup probably contributed, but I wasn’t going to correct the assumption if it meant I didn’t have to shuffle on the airport tile in my socks waiting for my shoes on the other side of the conveyor.
I never really felt it was a compliment in the past, but now that I’m towards the end of my 20s, comments like the one from the teen checking out my bags of mulch put a little extra pep in my step.
Thinking about having limited time left in my 20s is completely terrifying. Maybe it’s because we have this idea that our 20s are supposed to be the best years of our lives, the ones we look back on fondly. So when that ends, what’s next? Or maybe it’s the societal pressure to be at certain milestones in your life by now when I feel like I’m still trying to figure out my next step. It’s my friends having babies (which I feel so happy and excited for them), but I can’t help but feel like I’m not there yet. I even have moments where I feel guilty like I’m supposed to want that now. It’s the fact that I had a career really young and am almost starting over when everyone else around me is just hitting their stride.
But at the same time, I’m getting to a point where I’ve never felt more like myself. I’m starting to care way less about what anyone thinks of me, doing the things I’ve always wanted and feel myself creating more freely.
The confusion and certainty coexist in the chaos.
I’m done with moping that I’ve lost out on some of the good years to the pandemic. I’m ready for the good ahead. Why can’t getting older still be great? Why not continue to grow, try new things, and still play and create!
As dramatic as I feel I’m being, I still have another year to live up the infamous 20s. It’s a happy-sad place to sit, but I’m learning it doesn’t need to be as scary as I make it out to be. There’s not some bright orange fuzzy monster lurking in my closet, waiting to suck away all my joy the second I pass into the next decade. In fact, I think the monster might be holding on to a box of all the possibilities ahead of me.
Although the list gets longer each year, how about another…
29 Things I Want To Do at 29
Be more patient with myself
Do more of what makes me happy
Get the tattoo I’ve been thinking about
Wrap my car pink because I've wanted to for 10 years
Get a tutor and finally learn to speak Spanish
Take a dance lesson or two
Add more color to my home
Write more letters
Get out in nature more
Book a voiceover role
Release. More. Music.
Thrift clothing more/Be more mindful with purchases
Host more dinner parties
Learn to make flower arrangements
Pour more into my friendships
Drive to beach more
Learn to make a signature cocktail/mocktail my friends know me for
Sew a dress that I’ve dreamed in my head
Build my vinyl collection
Move to Europe for a few months (then apply for visa and stay longer??)
Play more local shows
Get a new ear piercing
Rollerskate more
Learn to use my film camera
Quit overthinking
Buy more plants
Learn to bake something new
Go out dancing
Remind the people I care for that I love them more